Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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