Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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