dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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