So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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