Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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