i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
