Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
