i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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