I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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