I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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