I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize