my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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