just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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