The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
