Kiss
Puke
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
