Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
