Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
are you so shy because you have an std?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
