dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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