She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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