I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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