No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
