Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
