You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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