Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
