Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
