I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
