thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
