He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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