I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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