i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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