i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
