Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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