it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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