i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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