life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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