Yo dont text me then not text me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Enjoy the penises
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
