Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
