I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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