Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
