Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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