people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
