New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
