So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
