nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
whose parrot is this?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
