hotel room ftw
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
