Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just took my morning after pill in the library
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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