i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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