Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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