If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
