girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
