just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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