he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
