I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
