Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
