What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
