i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
