Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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