Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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