Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
