so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
