White coat. Heels.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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