Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
