3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
