NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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