I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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