You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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