The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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