My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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